Table Manners

I wound up sitting next to Queensland's Deputy Premier Paul Lucas at dinner last night.

It was the annual Parliamentary Media Ball, and I'd managed to score a free ticket. Somehow, this meant I wound up on The Head Table with a couple of respected ABC journalists, the Speaker John Mickel, and the aforementioned Deputy Premier (and Minister for Health).

It was an urbane, witty table, and I would like to tell you that I regaled one of our state's senior politicians with urbane, witty banter - or even took the opportunity to follow-up an interesting story relating to the health system that a friend had told me.

But you know, you know that I am Girl Clumsy, Master of Misadventure and Graduate with Honours from the School of Social Inepitude.

What actually happened was about half an hour of me talking with my mouth full of buffet roast pork and vegetable samosa about how the arts doesn't get enough funding, before losing control of basic motor functions and throwing my cutlery all over myself. I didn't even know that was possible.

Line of the night came when for various reasons we were discussing sport with one of the other journos, and I mentioned that netball had posted better TV ratings this year than several football codes.

"You know why?" I exclaimed sardonically. "No rape!"

I mean, that's just unfair, isn't it? Not all football codes are thus afflicted. I shouldn't be saying these things. That doesn't make people like creative artistic types more, does it? I mean, I'm a journalist, surely I must know better than to generalise?

Thankfully I still had some of the aforementioned buffet mid-chew at the time, so I think my reasonably-humourous-yet-possibly-defamatory remark slipped through to the keeper.

But still, this is yet another reason why I should not be let out in public.