Rejected Showbags

I've been to the Ekka four times in the past seven days, and I've purchased a Bertie Beetle showbag on each occasion. I find most of the other showbags on offer somewhat... disappointing. And it's a shame, as there were so many others that just didn't get through.


Labor Party Showbag ($10)
1 x Napro Live Hair Colour in Fiesta Red
1 x special edition "Operation: Kevin Rudd" board game
10 x "Move Forward" brand laxatives
(Note: may give buyer the sh**s)

Liberal Party Showbag ($10 + GST)
1 x Tony's Funtime "Keep 'Em Out" Barbed Wire Playset
1 x magic wand/wireless broadband cable
2 tickets to Barnyard Barnaby's Farm (manure included)
(Note: Contents may induce gagging)

Wendy Francis, Family First (30 Pieces of Silver)
1 x Bible
1 x copy of Wendy's "Oh No You Don't" Guide to Parenting
5 x fake Twitter profiles
(Note for vendors: do not sell to anyone who looks remotely "fabulous")

The Mark Latham Showbag (Gimme 20 f***ing dollars, pal)
75 x sour worms
100 x sour grapes
150 x chili warheads
200 x stressballs
1 x journalism degree (signed in pencil)

The Commonwealth Bank Showbag ($6bn plus fees)
Bag only

The Greatest Serial Killer Showbag On Earth ($25)
1 x Ted Bundy brand duct tape
1 x Jeffrey Dahmer's Ol' Reliable Hydrochloric Acid
1 x Genuine John Wayne Gacy clown wig
Plus! CityGuide to Local Hotspots (for Prostitutes and Hitchhikers)

The Bold and the Beautiful Glamour Bag ($40)
4 x illicit affairs
10 x Brooke's "Always Positive" pregnancy test kits
55 x DIY Botox shots
500g cheese plus cheesegrater (note: if sold out of cheesegraters, will be substituted with Ronn Moss' chin)

The Steven Slater Showbag ($300 one-way)
1 x airplane intercom system
2 x beer bottles
1 x escape slide
(Note: "F*** You" attitude included)