Smells Like (Chris)tina Spirit

The main problem with Royal Desire - singer Christina Aguilera's latest scent - is the complete disconnect between the name of the product and the imagery they're using to spruik it.

"Royal" conjures up images of reds and purples and golds - as pretty as the pastel pink Christina and her throne room are decked out in, it's hardly regal. And what's with the packaging? Black lace detail? I suspect Christina is trying to cash in on her upcoming role as an "ingenue" in Burlesque, the film that's set to prove once and for all that taking your clothes off can be classy, as long as there are corsets and Cher involved.

Also, while it's generally accepted practice to spray perfume at your neck, I'm fairly sure Christina is just squirting straight at her boobies. OK, sure there's some sort of heart-shaped diamond she's making sparkle, but that's a fairly tedious reason for a gratuitous jug shot. And surely, being "royal", it should be crown-shaped or something?

I mean, it'd be fine if they changed the name to Lace Dreams or Pastel Follies or Classy Broad. But Royal Desire just seems incongruous. Even with the "Feel like a Queen" tagline.

It reminded me though of one of my dream jobs. I would love to work in the beauty industry, solely in the field of inventing names and catchphrases for fragrances. I mean, I've got an imagination, and it's not like you need to describe the smell of a perfume to sell it. You just need a tantalising name and a catchy slogan.

Here's a few I'm working on, if any boffins at L'Oreal or whatever are reading:

Catch
For the woman who loves to be pursued.  Let them Catch.... if they can.

Lure
Reel them in.

Grace
She's cool under fire. She's a princess. She's driven off a cliff. She's Grace.

Silk
For the woman as smooth as material finely spun out of a worm's fundamental orifice.

Flamingo
In the pink. In the stink.

You get the general idea, anyway.