It's Cocktober! Celebrate by naming a Penis.

So here's another reason for my parents to be amazingly proud of me.

My next production, How to Be a Man, contains not only dick jokes, but actual dicks!

And I'm not talking about the cast members (boom-tish).

I'm talking about the two full-size penis costumes I need - for artistic purposes, obviously.

My favourite part is the button that says "Click to Enlarge".

As a fun way of raising awareness - and cash! - I'm going to auction off the naming rights to our super schlongs.

That's right readers - this is your chance to be a part of Brisbane theatre history.

The winning bidders will receive:

• The right to name a penis (a one word name only, but it can be anything you like). The name will be stitched onto the front of the giant willy, and will remain there for the run of the show.
• A mention in the program.
• A double pass to the opening night of How to Be a Man on Saturday 12 November (transferable to another night if you are unable to attend opening). You'll also get a backstage tour of the set.
• A merchandise pack including an official How To Be a Man t-shirt and stubby cooler.
• A photograph of you with your personalised penis.

There are TWO of these packs up for grabs via secret auction.

The minimum bid is $30 - to place your bid, please email natalie @ girl clumsy dot com with your name, a contact phone number, and what you'd be prepared to stump up to give a John Thomas your own John Hancock.

I'm going to update the bidding amounts in the comments section, so you can see what's being pledged, and whether you want to beat it!

The competition will remain open until 5pm Friday 14 October. The winning bidders will be contacted by phone. The winning amounts will be able to be paid via cheque to the Brisbane Arts Theatre or by direct bank deposit.

Please note - if funds raised exceed the cost of the penis costumes, fantastic! The extra dosh will be funnelled into other production expenses for How To Be A Man. The Brisbane Arts Theatre receives no government or corporate sponsorship, so you know your dollars are going straight to a community organisation that needs them.