Never A Bridesmaid

I came to the Samantha Brick brouhaha somewhat late. After finally reading the English columnist's first "Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful" piece, then her follow up "You Trollers Have Just Gone and Proved My Point" rejoinder, I thought perhaps I should write about it.

My initial idea for a response on the topic was an ironic parody in which I too identified as heart-achingly beautiful, and echoed the troubles that Samantha herself encounters by merely existing. But that got done pretty quickly.

My next idea was to point out how The Daily Mail must be laughing all the way to the bank with this hullabullo; whether or not they deliberately put Samantha Brick up to it, or just cashed in on the massive response doesn't really matter - the click-throughs, the comments, the media coverage must be absolutely delighting the paper's publishers. But then I read this great piece from Jezebel, which covers those points much more eloquently. There's also this insightful column that outlines how no one cared about some of the other things Samantha Brick wrote about, some quite sad things, until she committed the unforgivable crime of being "massively up herself".

And so the only thing I can think to write on the Samantha Brick affair that hasn't already been covered related to one line. One little line that may have not jumped out amongst the self-praise and discussion of her slightly creepy mustachioed French husband...

Oui?

 ... but one that resonated with me. One of those quite sad elements of her column that got overlooked (not undeservedly) by her massive up-herself-ism.

"And most poignantly of all, not one girlfriend has ever asked me to be her bridesmaid."

Maybe I'm a complete sap, but that made me feel very sorry for Samantha. I've never been asked to be a bridesmaid either; and in recent years it's made me a little heartsick.


Now I'm not suggesting I'm too beautiful to be asked to be a bridesmaid. I really don't hold any illusions about my own level of attractiveness. I'm all right looking, I could lose a few kilos, but I generally have interesting hair. I think that's a fair assessment.

What the bridesmaid deprivation represents to me is that I have not had the fortune to have a bestest female friend.

One of the reasons I love Sex and the City so much is because I adore the four leading ladies' closeness. I love that they really can say anything to each other, and they actively keep each other company. I know a lot of people dismiss the show, but it allowed me to experience something I felt I lacked in my own life - having the kind of girlfriend you could call at any time of the day or night for absolutely no reason at all.

I am incredibly aware this is much my own doing, and I'm not looking for pity. I realise I wasn't ever very good at cultivating female friendships. I was always affected by jealousy and the idea that I was never as pretty/clever/nice enough. I liked hanging with the boys. I've also never been into big weddings, and as a bit of a show-off actor type, don't really present as someone eager to put the time, money and energy into making sure it's all about the bride. And of course, everyone has different reasons for choosing who they choose as their companion/s for their "special day".*

But as the years have gone by, the "bridesmaid" position has started to mean something specifically to me - whether or not it's 100 per cent representative of the truth.

Surely, a bestest female friend would have you as their bridesmaid no matter what the hell you thought of weddings, parties or anything. I've never been close enough to another contemporary woman to be considered in that role - therefore, I've never had a bestest female friend.

I'm not saying I don't have lovely girlfriends. I do (even though I've done my best to mess up a fair few of my female friendships). But most are already married, or if not, have existing bestest female friends who are far more suitable a choice, should they decide to pursue the wedding option. And none feel so close that I would feel OK calling them at any time of the day or night for no reason at all.

So I feel a certain empathy towards Samantha Brick, and wonder if perhaps a deep-seated longing for a more closer female connection has perhaps manifested itself in her overblown self-confidence.

Perhaps it's a vicious cycle. She wasn't able to cultivate good female friendships, because of her looks perhaps, or because of her personality. She blamed female jealousy, which is hardly likely to encourage other women to warm to her. She reasoned that their stand-offish-ness was due to her beauty - and the cycle continued.

Maybe I'm imposing my whole frame of reference and experience on her, and giving her sympathy she doesn't deserve. Maybe she simply is a vain, arrogant woman.

But I am a bit of a sap. I find it hard to criticise someone who's already born the brunt of the internet's fury. And I feel sorry that her relationship with men, according to her writings, seems to be mostly as glamourous plaything and dollybird.

Because while I may not have a bestest female friend; I've still had friends. Friends to knock me down a peg, lift me up a bit, and help me out occasionally.

Samantha Brick doesn't seem like she has any friends at all. She almost certainly won't for a while after this business. And if that's not a reason to feel sorry for her, I don't know what is.


*I've been reminded by the lovely KatKohl that being a bridesmaid can, in fact, be a huge pain in the backside. I'm not unaware of this, and am sure if I was ever a bridesmaid I would complain endlessly about it. That's just the way life works, isn't it?